I'm not the only one
by APhoenixRising
Summary: Forced into joining the Death Eaters, Caroline Roke hates her life, but she begins to find hope again when she meets Severus Snape and learns of the Order of the Phoenix. UP FOR ADOPTION.


**** A.N – I do not own any of the characters apart from Caroline and a couple of others. ****

Chapter 1

Déjà vu

'Come on, eat up,' I said to the two slow eaters in front of me 'you know I can't miss Celestina Warbeck on the Witching Hour'

'Mum' they whined in unison.

'What? She's a good singer'

'Trust me, she's not' my eldest, Callum, told me with an accompanying shaking of the head from Elliot.

'Just hurry up, it's not like we can apparate, not from this muggle place' I said lowering my voice.

''Yeah, but this is the best Chinese restaurant, who cares if it's muggle?' Elliot told me with his mouth barely containing a spring roll.

'Shh! You can't go round saying that word' I couldn't be too hard on him though; he was only young. Finally the boys finished but I had something I wanted to say before we left 'One final toast to Callum, happy birthday and have fun at your first year ay Hogwarts. I can't believe my boy is so close to attending' I concluded with my eyes welling up.

'Mum!' he said once again but he hugged me regardless of the fact we were sitting in a full muggle restaurant.

'If only you're dad was here to see this, he'd be so proud. You better be in Ravenclaw like us'

'Of course I will. Now let's pay, you know we can't miss Celestina' he said with sarcasm.

Walking home I began to think about John, he might have died eight years ago but I remember the day as if it were yesterday:

_The day had ended like any other; John and I were sitting on the sofa admiring the family photo we had just taken. Both the boys were asleep and the baby monitor was telling us that Elliot was lightly snoring. I leant over to kiss him and he kissed back with as much love I was giving him. I then smiled up at him and said 'Everything's perfect'_

'_That it is Carly, that it is' Carly, my nickname specially reserved for him, I loved it. So much nicer than my actual name: Caroline._

_It was at that very moment that I heard an explosion coming from the hallway. We both ran through the door with our wands raised. However, we both stopped when we saw three masked figures standing where the door used to be. Death Eaters. They walked steadily forward and I used the sound of their boots on the wooden floor to mask my whispers to my husband. 'John, go upstairs and apparate with the kids, somewhere far away'_

'_What? I'm not leaving you' he whispered back with urgency._

'_Go please. I'm the better at magic, I can hold them off. If you really don't want to leave then apparate the kid's to mum's and come back'_

'_Ok, I love you'_

'_I love you too, now go!' I hissed at him, he kissed me and ran towards the staircase. However before he could reach it he collapsed and screamed in agony. I ran towards him screaming his name and when I reached him I turned round and saw the figure at the front with his wand raised and pointed towards John. 'Stop!' I screamed and surprisingly the person did. The person behind the mask then moved his wand in a complicated sequence of moves and I felt my feet move, taking me into the now vacant lounge._

_When we were placed where they wanted us, the Death Eater who cruciated John pulled his mask from his face and the unmistakable blonde hair of Lucius Malfoy fell from below the hood. 'Now don't think about trying to apparate out, my accomplices have warded the room' he drawled._

'_Why are you here?' I asked, trying to keep my voice even._

'_Official business'_

'_Official?' I scoffed 'You Know Who disappeared over six years ago. You're over, all of you'_

'_Silence!' Malfoy waved his wand and my voice went silent. 'Yes the Dark Lord isn't here now but one day he will arise again, stronger than ever' I raised my eyes in scepticism, but he carried on speaking 'now down to the business we came for. We have been monitoring you Caroline for sometime now and we have reason to believe you are an exceptional witch, hence why we would extend to you the great honour of becoming a provisional Death Eater. Do you accept?' he pulled down his hood and his grey eyes looked straight into my chocolate brown ones._

'_I'd rather not, I am moral'_

'_Well this complicates things,' he pointed his wand at john and his whole body convulsed once again 'would you consider joining now?' he asked, a smile played across his harsh features. All this time his voice had kept an even low tone. I looked towards my husband who was panting now that his torture was over; he solemnly returned my gaze and shook his head. Turning back to Lucius Malfoy and dreading the consequences of my decision I spoke._

'_No, I will not join you'_

_At that moment several things happened, first I felt a gust of wind behind my back, next a snarl appeared on Lucius's face and thirdly - most fatally- I heard the words I desperately didn't want to._

'_Avada Kedavra!' The green light shot out of Lucius's elm wand straight into John's chest and threw him into the wall. He eventually fell to the floor and stayed motionless. I seemed to see him flying through the air in slow motion; I saw his eyes turn blank, his mouth downturn into a grimace and finally I saw the broken body of my husband – my soul mate. I ran over to him and even though I knew the killing curse was instant and fatal I still checked his pulse, my fingers shaking. Blindly through my tears I placed my hand above his mouth but felt no breath, I finally conceded to the truth and my tears spilled onto his still coloured cheeks. 'How touching' said the voice of Lucius Malfoy from behind me._

'_How could you! Why did you do that?' I choked, trying to swallow the lump in my throat._

'_You weren't complying with us,' he said simply 'now I will ask you one more time: Will you join us?' _

'_No, how could I. you kill mercilessly and for no reason. I'm not like that'_

'_Well, I believe you have children' he said in a conversational tone._

'_No!' I gasped._

'_Yaxley, go fetch them' Malfoy flicked his wand and the door opened. The figure I presumed to be Yaxley walked towards it but then fell back revealing the shadows of two people. They walked forward and the light illuminated the faces of Alastor Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt; my auror colleagues. My first emotion was of relief then of confusion, but I couldn't dwell on it the two aurors were working quickly. The second unmasked figure was down but Lucius wasn't a top Death Eater for nothing. He was battling fiercely and shooting unforgivables as the aurors danced and dodged between them. He seemed to have momentarily forgotten about me so I composed myself and stupefied him from behind. My jinx hit him square in the back and he fell forward revealing the two relieved faces of my tutors. _

'_Caroline, are you ok?' Kingsley asked me._

'_No, not really' I replied looking towards John._

'_Come on, we have to get out of here' the rough voice of Alastor said._

'_What about Callum and Elliot?'_

'_Hestia's got them. Don't worry. We need to move, the scumbag is moving' Kingsley took hold of arm and span leaving the last image in my head of Yaxley pointing his wand towards us._

_We landed in a room I soon recognised to be Auror Headquarters at the Ministry. Alastor landed soon after holding a profusely bleeding nose. 'I'm fine, bastard took a chunk outta my nose' He hurried off, presumably to fix himself, which left me alone with Kingsley._

'_How did you know to come?' I asked him._

'_John, he sent a patronus. He saved your life' I gasped and clutched at my chest at the thought of my husband's last act. He saved me._

'Mum,' I felt a tug on my arm 'mum! You've been standing there for ages'

'Sorry' I blinked a few times – blinked the tears out of my eyes. Both boys looked at me strangely then shook their heads and walked down the garden path. I followed them, unlocked the door and led them into the pitch black hallway and then the equally dark lounge. However there was a shadowy figure sitting on the sofa.

'Hello, nice to finally meet you Caroline. I've heard a lot about you' said a whispering voice. I screamed and switched the light on, what the light revealed made me scream harder; he was ghostly pale and veins stuck out on his hairless head. His nose was flat with slits for nostrils and his limbs seemed elongated. However his eyes frightened me the most, bloody looking white's encircled scarlet iris's which seemed to hold the wisdom of an old man but the enthusiasm of a little boy who has a new toy.

'Mum! What is it?' asked Callum.

'Uh, nothing. Go to bed' I replied keeping my eyes on the hideous form in front of me.

'Am I classed as nothing Caroline?' he said silkily.

'Who's that mum?' this time it was Elliot who asked.

'Why don't you introduce me to your children?'

'It's their bedtime, isn't it boys?'

'No, what are you talking about?' I groaned inwardly, I was out of excuses.

'Like I said, why don't you introduce me?' his voice was still the same octave though his body language indicated he was getting angry. His spindly fingers elegantly lifted his wand and waved it in a sequence of moves that mirrored Lucius's eight years ago, and I knew what was going to happen.

My sons came walking into the room though I knew it wasn't their legs that aided them. 'Mum! I don't like it make it stop! Make it stop!' shouted Elliot and I felt so powerless at that point that tears uselessly fell from my eyes.

'I'm sorry I can't Elliot. I'm so sorry'

'Now boys, you be good. As it seems your mother can't tell you, I will. I am the Dark Lord and your mother will soon join me. Won't you?' he directed the last part to me.

'No, I wouldn't before and I won't now'

'Do you remember what happened to your dear John? Do you Carly?' he mocked.

'Yes' I replied meekly.

'You don't want the same to happen to lovely little Callum here do you? Or Elliot?'

'No' I replied with tears streaming down my face.

'Then you know what you must do don't you?'

'Yes' I nodded my head.

'Kneel and grasp my left hand with your left hand' I looked towards my sons who were looking bewildered at the scene unfolding in front of them.

'Look at me!' hissed the Dark Lord. I felt my head snap back to face him and I kneeled, held out my left hand and squirmed as his pale, cold fingers captured mine. 'Will you, Caroline, promise to serve me?'

'I will' A bright flame issued from the wand of the Dark Lord and wound round the two grasped hands.

'Will you, Caroline, promise not to interfere with any of my plans'

'I will' A second flame repeated the path of the other.

'And will you, Caroline, promise never to betray me or any of the other followers?'

'I will' '_forgive me John_' I thought to myself. The final flame glowed brightest and then he let his hand fall loose.

'Extend your left arm and roll up your sleeve' I did as instructed and he rested the tip of his wand on my forearm and muttered a spell, almost like a song. A sharp pain told me that he'd finished, I looked down and was disgusted to find a black shape moving, warping itself into the form of the Dark Mark. Each twist caused a jolt of pain to shoot up the nerves in my arm. Eventually the shape became more defined, a skull and snake was visible. 'Welcome to the Death Eaters Caroline Roke. I'll send someone along in the morning'

'Yes' I replied not taking my eyes off the mark on my arm.

'When you talk to me you will always address as My Lord'

'Yes…My Lord' I said.

'Now, Callum,' he tensed 'it's your birthday today isn't it?'

'Yes, My Lord' he said uncertainly.

'Happy Birthday, you are eleven yes?'

'Yes, going to Hogwarts soon, My Lord' the Dark Lord laughed softly, then stopped suddenly.

'No you won't,' he whispered. I looked up 'Avada Kedavra' Callum's face was still smiling at the thought of attending Hogwarts when the green light struck him in the chest. 'That was for declining the original offer and be warned the same will go for little Elliot here if you ever disobey me' he apparated in a whirl of robes leaving me to sob over the body of my son.

**** A.N – So what do you think of my new story s far. Sorry I had to make it so dark, I was going for impact. I would love a beta for this story as I will probably be taking this fic more seriously than my others ****


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